Why orchestrating your own dating relationship will not work!

By Dr. Karen D Sturtevant

The world of dating can seem like a crazy maze. There are tons of dating blogs, books with strategies on how to “hook up”, media-driven television, and numerous amounts of dating websites engineered to find you the most “compatible” partner. I know all of these avenues in the past have left me with a pounding headache and more confused than ever! Now, don’t get me wrong, I know they have worked for people, but sometimes God wants to bring back the “old school” methods!

Now, as a Millennial Christian woman, I found myself on the dating scene 9 out of 10 times in a predicament. I felt the butterflies, I suffered through the awkward first dates, I overcame the “non-existent” phone calls, I have recovered from heartbreak, and I have trampled through the assumptions that I was just another prude Christian girl who holds a Bible under her right arm (by the way, I also loves to have fun and can down a beer while watching football!). Either way, I have battled loneliness and I have made the mistakes…So where did that leave me? Hmmm… with one loud thought….God Needs To Take Over My Dating Life!

*Sigh…. (kidding!) Yes, you heard me correctly! Now, I would be lying if I said this was easy. However, I now have graciously (maybe a little screaming and kicking involved) allowed the Holy Spirit to speak to me in regards to my love life. “Why?” you may ask. Well, I know through years of walking with the Lord that He is all about relationships! Whether it is friendships, family relationships, my relationship with Him, and/or dating, God is all about interaction! I realized that I had only let God be involved in certain areas of my life and not ALL areas. I realized that I could not pick and choose what areas I allowed God to work in. When I chose to follow Him, I became a living sacrifice; therefore, my decision granted Him access in the “The Life of Karen” sitcom.

Therefore, I urge you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice acceptable to God, which is your spiritual act of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:1-2

So What Does That Mean?

That means I am no longer orchestrating a relationship or on the “hunt” for a husband. God is now taking care of that for me. It also means it matters “Who We Date”, “How We Date”, and “Why We Date”! In today’s society this might sound ridiculous, crazy, and old fashioned, but it worked for Abraham and Sara, Solomon and his Bride, Isaac and Rebekah, and Ruth and Boaz (Now Boaz was straight up GQ, kind of like Channing Tatum in my opinion!) Anyways, I know this isn’t exactly what any single girl wants to hear. I can hear the groans and moans of “You mean we have to wait around for the guys to step up?” Nonetheless, please don’t misconstrue my words and lock yourself in a tower waiting for prince charming. Go out and meet people! However, don’t let finding your mate be your life long quest.

Let’s just say this, doing it Gods way means we have to give up some control ladies. Genesis 24 not only shows us how a godly man should depend on God in his love life, but also how godly woman should respond. God created man as the pursuers and women as the responders. It is part of the nature of God…like “Christ coming back for His Bride”, which is the Church! So ask yourself these questions:

  1. If you are manipulating your relationship into existence, who is really in control of your life?
  2. And what is your manipulation saying about your view of who God really is?
  3. If you make your relationship happen, if it fails, who is to blame?

Lastly, if you are looking at anything other than the Cross of Jesus Christ when looking for a mate, you will always be disappointed and confused!


Dr. Karen Bolser resides in Newport News, Virginia and is the CEO of The Bolser Group, LLC. She established the firm with the purpose of providing organizations and companies with excellent leadership and management development. Karen is a passionate teacher, consultant, author, speaker, and inspirational leader. Transcending socioeconomic and denominational barriers, her powerful message of healing, love, and restoration of leadership resonates hope among individuals from every walk of life. A gifted exhorter and motivator, the core of Karen’s message is “delivering leadership truths that transform the world.”
Through the years, Karen has traveled with numerous American and international missionaries and has had the opportunity to serve individuals in many different areas. Today, Dr. Karen Bolser has recently published a book not only for the Millennial generation, but all generations, teaching them how to lead and keep the biblical values and truth in leadership. You can purchase her book at: https://www.tatepublishing.com.